I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
