break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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