I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
