when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Someone signed my nipple.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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