Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
