thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
