1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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