remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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