Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
