dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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