hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize