I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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