Pants 0. Shit 1.
farters have to be the big spoon...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize