i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
