So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
