did you get engaged???
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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