For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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