he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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