I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
