I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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