Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
