We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
