By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
