You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
