Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
