The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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