Can i not drive my cunt home
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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