and you said cock pushups were impossible
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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