he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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