at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
