The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize