Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
false alarm, still single
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
