I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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