My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
