Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i drank out of a bidet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
