a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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