Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
