Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She said her name was "party"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
