i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
