well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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