Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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