Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
