ugly people sure do ruin things
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
