i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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