So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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