Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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