I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
