Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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