Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
