Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
