You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
