You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
