the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
