You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
