i would punch a child for taco bell
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
