I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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