I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that's an acceptable place to lick
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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