So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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