Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
