Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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