Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
