even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
