Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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