The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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