i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I want is dick and wine.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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