Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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