I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
