Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
