I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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