I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
