she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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