so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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