just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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