I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
