JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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