Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize