I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
