Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
