I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
