does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize