Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
