you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
