I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This house was built for laser tag.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
