Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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