Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
