its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
