Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
