I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
