Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
