grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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