Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
