Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
