you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i think i just lost a toe
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize