i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
