ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
