im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
