I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
